Life, loss and learning – the challenges of having to start again at 73
October 9th 2024
Every day Robbie Harris* tells herself the same thing she’s been saying since losing the love of her life late last year, ‘I can, I will and I am.’ By her own admission Robbie is having to find herself again after losing her beloved husband of 53 years, Mike. She describes the months since Mike’s death as ‘utterly brutal’.
One of the many ways life has changed for Robbie is that she’s had to familiarise herself with all things financial, something Mike had always taken care of in their marriage. In these endeavours, Robbie has been guided by Canberra-based financial planner, Deepti Palmer.
Robbie calls the NSW Southern Tablelands home. She has three adult children and three grandchildren (with another on the way). Understandably, much has changed since Mike’s passing including the decision to sell the family farm of over thirty years and move into town. Learning to adjust to such a vastly different lifestyle has been a challenge but despite her heartbreak, Robbie is resilient and determined.
“I miss him chronically. I cannot switch off. I can’t cry anymore. I have to get on with my life. Mike said to me, ‘I want you to be happy’, so that’s my focus. I’m having to start again which is very difficult. I’m out in the community every day and just have to take each day as it comes.”
Having been with Mike since the age of 19 (Robbie is now 73), her strength and courage in the face of his loss is remarkable. So too is her willingness to learn new things and adapt to the changing technologies that come with modern day financial management (i.e. online banking, access to insurance, superannuation etc.)
For the entirety of their marriage, Mike held the purse strings. Robbie was fine with that arrangement and whilst she references it as a ‘generational thing’ many partnerships see one person taking charge of a household’s financial affairs.
One thing Robbie was adamant about when Mike died was that she wanted to seek independent financial counsel and not involve her children in the process. “I don’t want to impart any of this onto the kids. It’s not up to them, it’s up to me to get on with my life, they have their own life, their own children. I needed to have everything in order for myself.”
Robbie was referred to Deepti Palmer through her daughter, an existing Invest Blue client. Robbie and Deepti began working together earlier this year.
“I know that when we started, I wasn’t in a good headspace at all which is why I needed Deepti’s guidance and handholding. There were many tears, but she always showed kindness, compassion and understanding. Deepti made me feel at ease and I was happy to put my trust in her.”
Robbie really was starting from scratch with her financial understanding. She was unsure if the cashflow available to her (from her assets) would be enough to live on and sustain her quality of life.
“I had no idea how to manage things and didn’t realise I’ve been left well off, but Deepti has guided me beautifully. Working together has given me security. I know I have all I need and that I’m going to be fine for however long I’ve got. Deepti has given me confidence in myself that I can do what is required of me.”
That’s not to say that certain aspects haven’t been tough.
“The main challenge was that I’d never done any of it before and am not very tech-savvy. Again, that was Mike’s strength, but I’ve managed it, setting up BPays, buying a car, overseeing Mike’s estate and opening bank accounts in my own name. Establishing things in my name after such a long and happy partnership has been horrible.”
Robbie sees herself working with Deepti for a long time to come. And whilst she’s always been fiercely independent in other facets of her life, Robbie is pleased to add financial independence to her achievements.
“I know how to budget and do everything required. I’ve set myself up differently to how Mike used to do it but I’m pretty proud of myself. I’ve found my feet.”
Mike always told Robbie how intelligent and strong she was and while she may have doubted that at times during their marriage, those attributes are now showing themselves in spades. Robbie acknowledges that Mike would be so proud of what she’s achieved. As she reflects on where life will take her next, Robbie takes solace in knowing that she and Mike shared something wonderful. “I’m just grateful for having the most amazing life with my husband. I wake up every day thankful for the time I had with my darling boy but now I have to forge my own path.” And while Mike was the love of her ‘life, body and soul’ Robbie intends to honour her promise to him in striving to live a happy life.
*Robbie’s surname has been changed for privacy reasons.
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